Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Little Off-Topic RAGE for Anyone Paying Attention

My new bfff, co-worker and Buckeye fanatic, Nicole, sent me this email detailing her morning commute here in Columbus, OH. She uses a little choice language but hey, who can blame the girl? Please read and enjoy.

So we are at a level 2 snow emergency. That means that you should only be on the roads if you have to be. I feel like this is put into effect because Columbus doesn't know how to plow roads. Granted it has been snowing for eight hours +/- 2 days so there wasn't much notice so I understand. Maybe I'm just salty because it took me 25 minutes to chip all the ice off of my car. Maybe I'm salty because while I was doing that, my PJ pants froze to my parking lot. Really, who knows?

... and then there are the lovely drivers of central Ohio... I know it sucks out and it's scary to drive in the snow but give me a break. Some guy peeled out in front of me last night causing me to lose all control of my car. My options were a.) hit the asshole b.) hit the awful green minivan that was parked on the street c.) hit a nearby street sign which would not slow me down, possibly causing me to run into a house d.) hit a pedestrian. As I was screaming and sliding I picked the pedestrian (hey, he was skinny. I figured he wouldn't do much damage) but managed, by the grace of God, to stop before I hit any of the options. I get driving slow when it's like this, but is 15 on the freeway necessary? Oh and then when we see a car that wasn't driving carefully and ends up in a snow bank in the median, let's all slow down even more and stare. We aren't going to help but we just wanted to see what happened so that we can chitchat with our coworkers about "that car on 270 that was fine but was in a snow bank in the median." Very interesting. Or, better yet, lets slam on our brakes when we get close causing more people to slide. Ya, I like that option. What I love about this "accident victim" is that they were in the median, up to their ass in snow, quite obviously not moving AND not in anyone's way but they put their hazard lights on. Right. Important. Good thinking. It was those quick wits that got them into that situation in the first place.

Now, as I was gawking at said car with the flashing hazards my windshield wipers froze causing them to wipe all areas of the windshield clean except for that little square that I needed to see out of. My visibility became zero. I began to laugh. I also began to wonder why I don't keep alcohol in my car for the AM drive.

May I also mention that today is only the third time in 35 years that THE Ohio State University has cancelled classes. THE THIRD TIME IN 35 YEARS!!! This means that the weather is awful. I went to OSU for 4 and a half years and there were plenty of times where I should have had a sleigh and some reindeer to go to class... or maybe one of the dog sleighs that compete in the Iditarod... either way the snow was bad and we still had school. OSU takes this shit seriously. If OSU is closed because of a snow emergency then the entire STATE should be closed. Just a thought.

The first snow day that I was a part of was the first snow day in 30 years. This was January 2003 (aka my freshmen year). The snow was up to my eyeballs. I got drunk and went to a boys house to play beer pong, have a snow ball fight and then... Just how every snow day should be. The second time was last year which I also got drunk and played beer pong, weird. Numero tres is January 28, 2009. That's today people. I am sober. I am not playing any kind of pong... not beer, not ping, not even pong for Atari. And I am at work. I am not a happy camper. I might throw a hissy fit.

It took me 40 minutes today to drive what normally takes me 15. I've had a lot of time to think about this. That also meant that I checked my phone 40 times to make sure I didn't miss the "Hey, Work is Closed" call. This also gave me 40 full minutes to get even more furious about actually going to work. Then I realized that I had been on 270 for several miles with my right blinker... I am an asshole...

Candy K.

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